


Identity

by summerfolk



Series: Eternity [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Genderswap, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 09:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2726972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerfolk/pseuds/summerfolk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to the story where two people challenged the order of events and sacrificed their lives for a chance to meet in the future</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Art is the Weapon

**Author's Note:**

> A promised part where Gerard and Frank define their own destiny
> 
> This fic is not supposed to be a standalone story, and it shouldn't make any sense unless you read the previous part first.
> 
> The amazing **Onthehill** betaed this fic as well as the rest of my works. Thank you so much!

_2014_

Gerard wakes up…and remembers. Everything. His first breath is deep and greedy, his skin feels tight, but young, strong, and beautiful. He feels alive.

And they have met again.

He buries his face into the pillow and breathes in Frank’s scent, now combined with his own. It’s sharp like a blade against skin, but it’s a proof. They’re here and they still have a chance.

He rummages blindly around the other side of the bed but it’s cold and abandoned. There are noises coming from the living room, and Gerard knows Frank’s here. He turns on his back and stretches, yawning leisurely. He wonders if Frank already knows, but the lonely voice inside his head tells him Frank hasn’t got this far yet, and he’s going to wait for that crazy adventurer to get on board without any help from Gerard’s side, otherwise something terrible will happen.

“I hoped to see you before I left.” Frank walks in the bedroom with a cup of coffee for Gerard. He’s wearing jeans and a shirt, a backpack is hanging on his shoulder.

Gerard waits until Frank pecks him on the lips before switching his attention to the coffee cup. “You’re dressed up today. What’s the occasion?”

“I’m meeting professor Morrison,” Frank sits on the bed and lets the backpack slide to his legs, kicking it with his foot. “I’ve got spare clothes.”

Gerard chokes on his coffee. “Yes! Today is the day, right? You’re gonna break into the school grounds and paint their parking lot.”

Frank winces. “It sounds terribly illegal when you say it like that.”

“And it surely is!” Gerard nods ardently. “You can get yourself arrested for that in the US.”

Frank points his finger at Gerard. “Only if you get yourself caught, right?”

Gerard shrugs. “They probably have CCTV all over the place. Besides, you want them to think it was you, so…” Gerard shakes his head nervously. “I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

Frank shifts on the bed to kiss him tenderly. “I’ll be fine. Are you going to be okay here? I mean, if I leave you alone for the day?”

“Yeah,” Gerard looks at his own jeans and the t-shirt piled up in a heap on the floor. “I was going to swing by the hotel and grab a change of clothes, maybe go to the library again.”

“You should have stopped paying for your hotel days ago,” Frank grumbles. “Come on, take all your shit and bring it here.”

Gerard nods. “Okay. I will.”

Frank stands up and gestures in the general direction of the living room. “Make yourself at home. The password to my wireless network is “Gerard” with a capital G.”

“What?” Gerard asks suspiciously.

Frank giggles. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Also, my grandma left a decent turntable and an even more decent collection of vinyls. You definitely should check them out.”

Gerard nods again, drawing his legs to his chest.

Frank grabs the backpack and looks at the clock on the bureau. “I really need to go now.” He leans in and kisses Gerard longingly. “I uh, I’m not sure if guys are supposed to say this stuff, but…” Frank nudges Gerard’s nose with his own. “Last night was amazing.”

Gerard traces his face with his fingers. “I don’t know any reason why they aren’t,” he whispers. “And it was.”

*****

Gerard saves the trip to the library and checks the internet first. He finds the database that contains all the names of people buried at Pere Lachaise. Helena's and Anton's names are in it, but there is no location of their grave.

It looks like the gravestones with their names were found by historians, and then forgotten like a lot of unimportant things.

Gerard doesn't even know why he was so sure he would find them at Pere Lachaise in the first place. For all he remembers, there was no cemetery when Helena and Anton were meeting there.

It’s hard for him to think of Helena as himself, so he tries to distance himself from her as much as possible.

He arrives at the cemetery around noon and walks aimlessly between the tombstones, waiting for something to draw him in, lead the way, but as before he feels calm and peaceful, and nothing attracts his attention.

He sits on a bench in the shadow of a maple tree and lets logic take the lead. In the eighteenth century there was a beautiful park, and they used to meet each other at the gates. They would walk to a stone wall separating the park from the busy street and hide in the shadows until dawn.

"I've gotta find that wall," Gerard whispers determinedly.

He walks up the hill, to the oldest part of the cemetery, looking around and trying to imagine the place three hundred years ago.

He passes the monument of the street musician and waves at his grave on pure instinct, making a couple of tourists throw at him suspicious glances.

He chuckles and walks on until he's looking at the stone wall, maybe five feet high and almost ruined, but still here, supported by a couple of chestnut trees that prevent it from falling apart.

Gerard twists his lips, studying the ground. There's a patch of soil that pulls him closer, making him kneel on the ground under the tree and swipe the soil from a stone plate.

His heart skips a beat when he feels the letters with his fingers.

"Fucking finally," he says in a trembling voice. He wipes his hands on his thighs and pushes the hair away from his face, studying the words on the plate. "You guys have a very nice neighbor. You should invite him over sometime. Maybe he'll sing you something."

He takes a deep breath and looks around. The patch of ground between the trees seems forgotten and left as it is by the cemetery staff. They just put fresh soil on it, probably not noticing the traces of a grave at all.

Gerard swallows a lump in his throat. "I...I already talked to a dead man before...the musician I told you about...but it doesn't feel any less awkward." He rubs his face, smearing dirt from his fingers all over it. "So...,” he looks up the wall and around the place, “Paris again. We're fine. Thank you for asking. Bruges is as beautiful as before. I really enjoyed staying there. Maybe me and Frank should go there again as soon as he remembers."

Gerard winces from pain, a real physical pain when he recalls the train wreck. "I don't think I should trigger his memory in any way." He looks at the epitaph, shaking his head. "I don't wanna die. I really don't, especially now, when I've found him."

He sits silently after that and just breathes. Then, the stream of questions start pouring off his lips. "What were you thinking, Helena? How could you do something...I don't know...insane like that? What am I supposed to do now, huh? I can't tell Frank anything, I can't leave him because I don't wanna leave him…and what? What if I say something in my sleep? Or if I'm drunk?" He shakes his head. "This is crazy." He grunts and bites on his lips for a while. "I remember you. But like it was me and another person at the same time. Maybe that's what previous lives feel like...But you can't be responsible for it, right? I mean, there aren't even vampires or chimeras anymore..." He sighs. "I guess there is not much choice for me..."

*****

Gerard checks out from the hotel and calls Mikey and his parents on his walk to Frank's apartment.

It's around midnight when he starts worrying about Frank. He considers calling him, but he's afraid to disturb him or mess up their plan with his call, so he just waits, trying to distract himself with the old records from Frank's grandma's collection.

He's almost asleep when his phone starts ringing, and Gerard admits that looking at Frank's number is not something he’s used to yet, but it's a pleasant change.

"Frankie!" He says, worried all of a sudden.

"Gerard, it's Alex," her voice sounds like she's been crying.

"Oh, my god. Alex, what's happened to him? Is he alive?" Gerard's hands are shaking now, and drops of cold sweat are already dripping from his forehead.

Alex sobs. "He...he is in the hospital."

"Fuck!" Gerard yells, angry at everyone, especially himself and Helena.

"He's gonna be okay. Frank is okay," Alex mumbles, "it's Noel..." She sobs again.

Gerard frowns. "Noel? The guy from the party? The nice one? What's wrong?"

Alex is crying again. "Can you come here? It's not far from the studio. The hospital. I'll tell you the address. Frank might need a taxi to get home."

Gerard nods, already on his way to the door. "Where are you?"

*****

When he rushes into the emergency department, Alex, James, Bonga, and two other boys Gerard saw at the party are sitting in the chairs across from the reception counter.

Alex jumps to her feet and runs to hug him.

"He's dead, Gerard!" She cries into his chest.

Gerard looks at James standing behind Alex and tries to make sense of anything that's going on. Did she lie to him on the phone? "I don't understand..." He whispers helplessly.

James walks closer and bites his lips. "Noel is dead. He tried to tell us there was a trap, but it was too late. The explosion wave threw him at a block of concrete. He died instantly in the collision."

Gerard is still processing the fact that Frank is probably alive, but he's starting to get angry. "What the fuck happened? You were supposed to paint a fucking parking lot with flowers and fucking bees!"

Alex leans away from him and sobs. She sees someone at the entrance and nods at James. "Mister Morrison is here," she says weakly.

"Go ahead," James pats her back and tugs Gerard by the hand further inside the hall. "I'll tell you everything."

"Please," Gerard snaps nervously, "And why the hell are you fucking covered in fucking spray paint?" He can't hold back emotions anymore, looking at the other boys, beaten up and colored like Rainbow Dash. For the first time since Alex's call he thinks maybe this has nothing to do with his and Frank's deal.

James clears his throat, pushing Gerard to sit down on a plastic chair. "We got the key from the school gates and were about to open them when Alex said she smelled gasoline, but we joked at her too sensitive nose and told her all the suburbs usually stank with something.

Then there was Noel running towards us and yelling something about the trap and waving his hands in the air. We started looking around and found a ditch near the gates, and it was filled with spray paint cans. The gasoline smell was coming from there.

We ran, but Bonga's foot stuck between the struts of the metal fence, when he tried to climb over it. Frank and I were helping him to pull it out when Noel came up closer, screaming at us to run. I saw a burning stick flying in the ditch with the cans, and then..." James swallows. "Bonga's feet slipped out and we scattered, but it all happened so fast...There was the explosion, the rain of hot liquid paint, Frank's hair was on fire, but I managed to put it out before he got hurt, but then…the local gang attacked us and they accused us of breaking into their home and killing one of them..." James loses his breath and closes his eyes.

"How did you escape?" Gerard asks, looking through the glass doors of the ward, searching for a familiar face.

"The police came. Noel's grandparents called them when he ran away. They forbade him to go outside because they knew something was going to happen there..." James rubs his neck tiredly. "If they didn't, they would probably have killed us and no one would care."

Gerard shakes his head. "Where's Frank?"

"He got the worst of it. But nothing is broken, so..." James nods at one of the examination room. "The police are interviewing him now."

Alex walks up to them with a bald-headed man in a suit. "Gerard, this is professor Morrison. Frank probably told you about him."

Gerard nods and reaches his hand for a shake. "Yes, he did. Nice to meet you mister Morrison."

The man shakes his hand with a strained smile. "I wish we’d met in less dramatic circumstances, mister Way. I am actually a big fan."

Gerard chokes on the air. Out of all people he'd already met, it has to be the oldest and the most official one who recognized him. "Thank you," he blushes. "I eh, thanks."

Mister Morrison turns to James. "Are you guys all right?"

James shrugs. "As much as we can be..."

"They killed their own friend, professor," Alex whines. "Because they hated us too much, they killed Noel."

"It was an accident," professor shakes his head. "I am going to insist on that from now on. Nobody wanted anyone getting hurt."

"It could have been one of us!" James argues. "What would you say if it was Frankie or me or Bonga…"

"But it was Noel, which makes all of you as responsible for the accident as anyone else," mister Morrison says flatly.

Alex sniffs. "What are we going to do?"

"Have all of you been questioned already?" The professor asks.

They both nod weakly.

"Well, you go home then. We will deal with everything tomorrow. Go home, clean yourself, have a rest." He looks at Alex's trembling hands and pats her shoulder comfortingly. "I'll take you, Bonga and Pierre home." Then he turns to Gerard. "Can you call a taxi and give a lift to the others, mister Way?"

Gerard nods earnestly. "Yes, sure, no problem. I'll just wait for Frank."

Mister Morrison blinks in agreement. "Frank and I are requested to be at the meeting with the head of the district after the funeral. You should come too. I think your presence will help them hold their temper."

Gerard shuffles. "Sure, I'll come."

*****

When Frank stumbles out of the ward, most of his burnt bangs are already cut off. The nurses gave them a lotion to wipe the paint stains from their skin, but there're still bruises and bits of dried blood all over his body.

Gerard's heart clenches and he runs to him, draws him in a hug as careful as he can manage and just holds on.

Frank doesn't say a word, doesn't hug him back, but Gerard can't care any less. He is alive.

No one talks on the ride home. They drop off James and the other boy first, and then finally get to the apartment.

Gerard doesn't ask any questions, just goes to the bathroom and starts the water in the tub. When he’s finished there, he finds Frank in the bedroom, standing in front of the mirror and holding a buzzer in his hand.

"You're not doing it by yourself," Gerard snatches the buzzer and puts it aside on the bureau, then gathers old papers stuffed in the corner of the room and spreads them out on the floor. He puts a chair on the sheets and gently pushes Frank to sit down.

Frank complies, his face as blank at the morning sky before the sun peeks up from the horizon.

Gerard cuts off the rest of the long dreads that were left, and then starts the buzzer. He fixes it on the shortest crop, so there is no burnt hair left when he's done.

The soft hum of the buzzer calms him down, and he finds himself smiling, looking at Frank's now nearly bald head and taking in his features. His eyes and lips became more prominent, bright and expressive in spite of the tiredness and bruises, and he looks even younger now. But Gerard doesn't feel old and out of place around him anymore. He knows they both are old enough to get through a lot of things. Together.

When he's done, he takes a deep breath and pulls Frank up to his feet. "Let's get you out of these rags, okay?" He takes off Frank's t-shirt and throws it on the paper. The shorts go the same way along with the socks and shoes. They're all covered in paint, and although it would be nice to keep them as a part of the collection of bright and unconventional things, Gerard doesn't think Frank would smile looking at them.

He wipes the rest of the paint from Frank's skin with cotton wads soaked in the lotion he took from the hospital and leads him to the bathroom where the tub is already filled.

Frank doesn't resist when Gerard helps him get in the tub and just stares into space. Gerard considers getting in too, but the bath isn't big enough and by the tension of Frank's muscles he can tell Frank is not in the mood to cuddle. It's a good thing he hasn't tried to bite Gerard's fingers off yet.

While Gerard gently washes him with a sponge, he remembers Luke and Anton. They looked almost the same as Frank, but all those men are completely different people and personalities, and it's amazing how each one of them has his own special place in Gerard's heart.

Maybe because he was different then too. He remembers how Helena admired Anton's bravery and loyalty. She loved his physical strength and his gentle heart, and knew she could always feel safe with him and that he'd give his life just to see her smile.

Luke was more like Gerard. At least, he thinks he understands Luke’s thoughts and feelings better than some of Camila's actions. Like, how she agreed to marry the man who she loved as a brother. Gerard blushes, thinking about Mikey and the part he had to take in their story.

This is a mystery he can't solve. There are two more people involved, and Gerard is ready to pray to any god that may or may not exist only to keep them out of their game.

Gerard traces his fingers along the Phoenix tattoo on Frank’s calf and imagines how the burning flame of Helena’s and Anton’s love brushed its wing against the lives of innocent people, and now he needs to get them out of that circle of reincarnations too.

Frank sneezes, and Gerard blinks his reflections away. He can think about everything later, when all the stress and pain fade out a little.

He rinses Frank out under the shower spray and wraps him in a huge fluffy towel he’d found in the drawer. Frank looks like a big cranky child with pink cheeks and a black eye, and Gerard wants to take him in his hands and carry in the bedroom, but Frank grunts angrily and jerks away, stepping out of the tube and padding barefoot to the living room, slipping on his way and miraculously avoiding a collision with a sharp corner of the coffee table.

He flops down on the couch and curls up in a ball, hiding his face in the towel. Gerard swallows and walks silently in the room, discarding his clothes on his way. He grabs the blanket from the armchair and squeezes between Frank and the back of the couch. It’s big enough to accommodate the both of them but it’s still a little uncomfortable with Frank all wrapped up inside himself. But Gerard doesn’t care. He’s had a long day of his own, and he’s not going to let Frank go anytime soon. He needs reassurance too, and a warm and breathing Frank is the best reassurance he can get.

*****

**Two days later**

They gathered in a small church to say goodbye to Noel. Frank and his friends had to wait outside until mister Morrison convinces the conservative citizens of the district that there are not going to be any fights, and that they came to see Noel for the last time, before they let them in. They took the chairs at the back and sat silently, listening to the priest telling Noel's story about how he'd lost his parents when he was little, and how he loved his grandparents and everyone in their small district, how he was going to study at med school and join the doctors without borders program.

Many people were crying, some of them were looking back at the artists, and Gerard felt hatred coming in waves in their direction.

When the priest ended his speech, the musicians started playing a heart-breaking song, and Gerard felt his eyes fill with tears.

People walked to Noel and said their last words, and Gerard saw a sturdy looking guy he had already seen at the cafe jump to his feet and growl when Frank approached the coffin, but the girl standing next to it stopped him with a sharp look. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she looked like she hadn't been sleeping for a very long time.

Frank looks at Noel for a while and then steps closer to the girl and hugs her. She hugs him back and starts crying.

"Who's that girl?" Gerard asks when Frank comes back to his chair.

Frank wipes his face and swallows, licking his dry lips. "It's Noel's girlfriend. They were going to get married this fall."

Gerard nods, looking at the girl. That guy is standing beside her now and whispering something in her ear. She seems to disapprove of whatever he's telling her, and when he grasps her arm, she pulls it back and scowls at him, twisting her lips in anger.

Gerard catches mister Morrison staring at him curiously, and hides his eyes.

*****

The next three days go by uneventfully. Frank is silent most of the time, and they don't go to parties or walk around the city anymore, which is understandable.

Gerard wonders if he should move back to the hotel, but Frank acts like he belongs here with him, like they are a married couple or more likely roommates since they don't go any further than a friendly cuddle on the couch.

Gerard doesn't mind any of this, but he knows there's something inside Frank's head that sets inexplicable fear in Gerard's guts. He doesn't ask though, just waits patiently for Frank to share whatever is on his mind.

On the morning of the fourth day, Frank wakes him up with a light brush of lips against his cheek and a hand stroking his side.

"The professor wants you to come with me to the meeting," Frank is dressed in a white shirt and suit pants. Gerard never saw him look so official before, and he's not sure he likes the view. With yellowed bruises and barely visible crop of hair, Frank looks fragile and defenseless.

"Today?" Gerard asks hoarsely. He knows Frank can take care of himself, but it doesn't make him stop wanting to protect him.

"Now," Frank steps away to look in the mirror and fix the collar of his shirt.

On the other hand, the suit looks good on his delicate frame and accentuates his broad shoulders and thin waist, so maybe it's a good choice. Gerard mentally looks through the things in his suitcase and realizes he doesn't have any official clothes.

"Is it okay if I'm wearing jeans and a longsleeve?" Gerard asks sheepishly.

Frank smiles weakly. "Of course, you don't have to impress anyone there."

Gerard presses his lips together. He hasn't seen Frank smile since the morning of that terrible day. He only wishes that the day when Frank remembers everything will be different.

*****

Professor Morrison is waiting for them at the restaurant a few minutes before the official meeting time with a tired expression on his face. They silently walk inside and no one says a word until the head of the district joins them at the table.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, mister Arnaud,” The professor greets him, and Frank and Gerard stand up to shake his hand. "Please, meet mister Gerard Way. He is a good friend of my students and he's also a famous musician in the US."

"What brought you here, mister Way?" The clerk reaches his hand to Gerard and studies him for a second, but the spark of interest is so brief, Gerard isn't sure he hasn't imagined it.

"Personal motives, mister Arnaud," Gerard says expressionlessly. He can already see the nature of the meeting. This man came to declare his demands, not to negotiate.

Gerard doesn't know the system here, whether people choose their district managers or those people are assigned by someone, but it's clearly written on mister Arnaud's face that no one is going to rival him for the place he's taking. He's confident, annoyed a little, and constantly glances at his watch although he probably doesn't have any other meetings for the rest of the day.

"How is the investigation going, mister Arnaud?" Professor Morrison asks after they order coffees.

The clerk clears his throat and rubs his nose nervously. "The police think that Jose must be prosecuted in court. I convinced them to let him stay home until the hearings are over."

Frank snorts. "Yeah. Because no one should be put in jail for killing your friend."

The clerk bangs his palm against the table making the tableware zing. "Who told you you have a say in this, mister Lero?"

"It's Iero," Frank corrects instinctively.

"Whatever," mister Arnaud continues. "I think that you and your miserable friends should be under suspicion here, not him. And I am going to convince the judge to requalify your status from witness to the suspect."

Professor Morrison shakes his head. "That is out of the question, mister Arnaud. Frank and my other students didn't do anything illegal. They were at the school gates when the explosion happened. There were no traces of gasoline on any of them, and Jose is the one whose hands were soaked in it, and his fingerprints were found on the paint cans. I suppose you didn't expect that Clara would testify against Jose either, but she did. Moreover, mister Way and I can confirm that Jose tried to threaten Clara at the funeral. We think that you should worry about her safety more than shoving my students behind bars." Gerard’s eyes go wide but he definitely remembers the argument between Clara and the big guy, so he holds the clerk’s look of suspicion and nods briefly.

Mister Arnaud takes a sip of his coffee and clucks his tongue. "Her statement is irrelevant. No one saw her there. As far as I know, she was at home with her parents."

The professor links his fingers on the table. "I think we should let the police do the investigation. What I wanted to discuss with you is the future of the whole art program. I'm not asking you to let my group inside your banlieue, but I heard you're trying to set the other ones who have already agreed to participate in the program to revise their decision. I think we all know that the program itself is completely harmless and educational. We shouldn't let our emotions decide the future for our children."

"That is exactly what we have to do! We have to protect our children from irresponsible people like yourself and your students, and believe me, I'll do everything I can to prevent any other conflicts." Mister Arnaud gives Frank a disgusted look. "I am going to work with our deputy to restrict mister Lero and his friends access to the banlieues. It's for their own good, I think."

Professor Morrison looks thoughtful and a little sad, but Frank is furious, Gerard can tell by the way he's rocking his leg so his knee is almost banging on the underside of the table top. But he doesn't say anything, and Gerard is glad that mister Arnaud doesn't have another reason to get the restraining order or some local analogy of it against Frank. He doesn't think they will manage to forbid him the access to the banlieues, but the clerk sounds confident, and Gerard isn’t an expert in the laws of the country.

*****

After the meeting, Frank sinks into himself even more. He barely talks to Gerard and keeps sending texts to someone while he thinks Gerard isn’t paying attention.

But Gerard knows. He doesn’t really need to see anything, he just feels Frank the way Frank can never understand because they are different, and that’s one of the things that pulls them together.

The change appears suddenly when Gerard comes back home late from his long walk around the cemetery and finds Frank waiting for him lying naked on the bed. It’s been a week since the accident, and Gerard is almost sure he knows where it’s coming from, but he still lets out a nervous laugh and tries to will his dick to stop getting interested.

“What are you doing?” Gerard asks, dropping his jacket on the floor and shivering from the cold that’s still lingering on his skin. It was a rainy day, and he thinks he might get a cold if he doesn’t go in the bathroom and take a long hot shower anytime soon.

Frank crawls closer to the edge of the bed and tugs Gerard by the belt loop on his jeans. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he unbuckles the belt and flicks the button open.

Gerard’s jeans are very tight, because he didn’t bother to check the temperature of the washing machine and now they’re two sizes smaller, and that saves him some time to analyze the situation, while Frank is trying to shove them down his hips.

Frank’s definitely trying to fuck him into oblivion and make him fall asleep after that. Well, okay, he’s sleepy after fucking, especially after fucking with Frank, that’s why he tries to avoid this activity in public places and in places that are not equipped with a horizontal surface. That’s the reason he wanted to go to the hotel after their first romantic encounter in the basement. He just wants to feel safe and cuddle up with Frank for the rest of their lives without the need to go home or anywhere else, and that’s exactly what Frank is trying to get him into. But why?

Gerard looks around and finds Frank’s clothes gathered up in a chair and a backpack lying underneath it. Frank wants to go somewhere and he doesn’t want Gerard to know where. The realization hurts a little, but Gerard knows Frank thinks it’s for his own good. He already asked for Gerard’s forgiveness several times, because he knows how emotional Alex can sound on the phone. Gerard told him then that he didn’t want Frank to get hurt but the last thing he needed was Frank lying to him. This way saves Frank from lying and Gerard from worrying. At least until Alex calls him again.

And Gerard is not having any of it.

“Frankie,” Gerard stops Frank’s hands when they reach for his boxers. “I think I’ll pass.”

“What?” Frank asks dumbfounded.

Gerard shrugs. “I’m cold and I think I need to drink some hot tea and just go to sleep. I’m really tired.”

Frank strokes Gerard through the fabric of his boxers, feeling him getting hard. “I can warm you up and then bring you some tea.”

Gerard bends down to kiss Frank on the mouth using his power of reassurance and gently strokes his shoulders. His skin is like silk under Gerard’s fingers. Gerard groans and leans away. He would easily give up and take Frank up on his offer, but he needs to take care of his lover. He has to be alert and sneaky. “I’ll just go to the bathroom and join you in a few minutes, okay?”

“Do you need that tea?” Frank asks in a worried tone. "You do look a little flushed."

Gerard mentally calculates the possibility of Frank keeping sleeping pills at home but realizes he has no fucking clue, so he just nods with a chuckle. “Sure, I like it when you do little nice things for me.”

*****

The tea was strong and honey-sweet, and now Gerard is glad he took a leap of faith in Frank's honesty and trusted him not to drug him into sleep. Because he hasn't eaten anything since lunch and the nasty weather with its annoying drizzle and humidity does everything to make Gerard turn back, go home, sleep, and deal with Frank's misfortunes in the morning, when it's all over.

At least, he has some hot liquid in his system to keep him warm for a while.

Frank left a few minutes after Gerard slowed down his breath and made his eyelids stop fluttering. Gerard didn't believe his plan would work until the last minute, because usually Frank is very attentive to details. Today he must be thinking about something else though because he didn't turn back to see who was walking out of the front gates of their yard in the middle of the night and following him.

The subway is closed for the night, and Gerard knows Frank wouldn't take a taxi, so he prepares himself for a long walk.

He tries to keep as close as possible because the further they go in the suburbs, the more street lamps are broken, and Gerard is getting more and more distracted with the shadows lurking around in the bushes he passes by.

Sometimes the darkness feels palpable and biting at his sides, making shivers run down his spine. But he knows there is no turning back.

After a sudden turn of the alley, he loses sight of Frank completely, and now there are two roads in front of him. One of them has a few blinking lamps, and the other disappears in complete darkness.

Gerard takes a deep breath and tries to calm down his fluttering heart. There are noises everywhere now, and he sinks instinctively under the arc of the apartment building, pressing his back to the wall that stinks like a public bathroom stall.

He knows he has to find Frank, but he won't make his feet move until he changes his own state of mind. He is not a criminal, but he's not a victim of crime either. He has to calm down and hide, be the shadow that scares him so much, otherwise he's going to have a heart attack before a real criminal gets to him.

Minutes pass by quickly, and there is no time to hesitate anymore.

He jogs back to the dark alley and avoids stepping on the sidewalk, prowling between bushy shrubs and broken benches.

Once he's made up his mind, he calmly calculates the possible directions where Frank might have gone.

There is a lonely lamp post with a flickering light bulb in the parking lot, and two cars with broken windows and no tires are in it.

When he creeps closer, he sees a few human-like shapes standing in the circle between the two cars, and Frank is among them.

With a sigh of relief, he crawls closer, trying to hear what seems to be a heated conversation. Frank and Clara, Noel's girlfriend, are arguing about whether the rest of their friends from the district should be here or not. Gerard squints into the darkness and sees a few more shadows crowding in the dark corner of the parking lot. From what Gerard hears, Frank asks Clara to leave with the others because it's not safe for them to be seen with Frank and his friends, but Clara insists that she and the others have the right to be heard by their parents.

Alex, James and Bonga are all there too, but they are standing silently in the circle, casting cautious looks around.

Suddenly, the light bulb breaks, and sharp particles are raining down on them. And it becomes completely dark.

"Run, Clara!" There is a voice that sounds like James’.

"Take the others! Leave now!" Frank yells, but there is no answer from Clara.

A few flashlight rays start flickering around in random directions, making the panic in the parking lot only grow.

"Where are you, Clara?" Alex is holding a flashlight and steadily sliding it over the figures until she stops at the group of strangers. One of them is standing out, holding Clara by the shoulders, and covering her mouth with his huge hand.

Gerard is walking closer now not seeing a reason to hide anymore. He's not going to help Frank from the bushes.

All the flashlights are directed at the group of newcomers, and Gerard recognizes a few of them. They were at the funeral, and that day in the cafe, they were there too.

There are few frightened looking faces among the group, and they all are surrounded by the older guys.

"Let them go!" Frank yells, stepping closer, and the flashlights are pointing at him now.

"Your stubbornness finally led you to the end of your sufferings," the guy who's holding Clara, tells him through gritted teeth.

"Let's calm down, Jose," Alex snaps in. "Release the kids and let them go home!"

"No," Jose answers calmly. "They need to learn this lesson once and forever. No one goes against us. We are family here, and you are the intruders. They must see what we do to the intruders."

Gerard shakes his head, cursing under his breath. He's standing behind, and the more he thinks about it, the more it looks like a child's argument. The saddest part of this fight is that the older kids have real weapons on them and are probably smart enough to cover their own tracks.

He sees a few silhouettes in the distance. Two or three couples of adult citizens clinging to each other in fear for their children, but not stopping the fight. They could be the ones who told Jose and his gang about the meeting today.

"Let the others go," Frank says coldly, "I'll stay."

Jose laughs, pushing Clara into the hands of another guy. "No one is walking home today, at least not by themselves."

Clara bites the guy's hand and kicks the other one in the knee. They both roar from pain, and she starts screaming. She's not running away, just squeaks and shoves the guys around, trying to extract the younger ones out from their circle. Gerard doesn't understand the words, but it doesn't matter when the whole group starts yelling and cursing each other, making it impossible to make out one from the other.

Frank's group is joining the cacophony of sounds, and they mingle in the darkness, the flashlights are no longer helping to recognize anybody, sliding between faces, but not holding long enough for Gerard to keep Frank in sight.

But he knows something terrible is about to happen. In the commotion of people, in the nearly palpable, velvety darkness, he feels sharp blades are stripped from their covers, and they are slicing the air like it's a smooth fabric.

Maybe it's the adrenaline in his blood causing hallucinations, or maybe he actually has this particular vision that sometimes Mikey jokes about, when he sees in the darkness, more precise, just knows, but there is a blade directed at Frank and another one that's about to slit James’ throat, and he's had enough.

"Stop!" He yells, scaring himself and stepping out in the crosslights. "Are you fucking crazy?" He yells even louder. He knows they're going to kill him the minute they realize Gerard is from the other side of the barricades, but he'd always died beside Frank, and today isn't going to be an exception. But he really wants to live now, and he's not going to let some jerks end their lives like that. No way. "I am talking to you, my dear parents! Come out! Show your kids the best example of patience, diplomacy, and which is more important: hu-fucking-manity! Do you know what I'm talking about?" He looks directly at the couples in the distance. One man extracts himself from the arms of a woman and takes off. "Right! Run! Run for your life! Show your kids the best way to deal with stuff!" His throat is already hoarse, and there is a hand grasping his own, and it's warm and familiar, and there is also a familiar voice whispering to get the fuck out of here, but he only squeezes the hand and finds the strength to yell some more. "I refuse to talk to these animals!" He points at the big guys, and realizes that one of them has already dropped the knife on the ground. But not all of them. They all look shocked, but are already gathering their confidence.

"Come on! You have a bunch of cowards here, just like you are! You're wondering who the fuck I am! All right, I'll tell you! I am a fucking rock star from America. If something happens today with me or my friends, my family and my friends from home are not gonna leave you alone! Ever! Do you know what eternity means? That means for the rest of your miserable lives!"

The woman, whose husband ran away, takes a few uncertain steps closer, but she's still far enough to be recognized. The other two couples are standing still.

Jose opens his mouth to say something but Gerard speaks first. "You're afraid. And you want to tell me to get out of here, right? I would be happy to! Believe me there is nothing more desirable for me right now than to take my friends and lead them out of this god forsaken hole! But there are two problems here. One - I can't make decisions for them, and if they're here, knowing that nothing good is waiting for them, then I'm going to respect their wishes. That doesn't justify any of us, but there is two." Gerard looks at the younger folks looking at him with horror and admiration. "Do you see these kids? Some of them are yours! Maybe you even wanted them to learn this lesson, but what are you teaching them? That force and ignorance is what defines their future? Is that what you wanted for yourselves? When did you become so cynical and cold? Is that what you were looking forward to when you were holding them, so tiny and innocent when they were born? So they could watch some stupid pricks hurt a bunch of fucking artists? Tell me! Is that it?"

"Enough!" The woman that walked closer is stepping into the light now. "Enough!" She holds her hands out, anger and pain written all over her face. "What do you want? What future can you and your artists show them?"

Gerard turns to the kids and makes a welcoming gesture. "Why don't we ask them? They are here, in spite of the fact that you forbidden them to be. Don't you think they have something to say in this?"

"They are too young and inexperienced!" The other man says. He and his wife join the debaters, followed by another couple.

"We all are over eighteen, mama!" One of the boys calls from the crowd.

"Viens là!," the women reaches her hands to the boy, "before those idiots hurt you."

Jose gives the woman a sharp stare, but let's the boy go.

"Release the others too, Jose!" The man says coldly.

A long minute after, all the youngsters are free from the tight ring of their so called protectors and are standing between the artists and the locals, shielding them. Gerard releases his hand from Frank's grip and steps closer to Jose. "They have already heard you. Why don't we listen to the others now?"

Jose lets out a low growl, and suddenly Gerard's cheekbone is on fire and he is falling to the pavement, shoving his palms in front of his head, protecting it.

Despite his best efforts to breathe through the sharp pain, the world goes black in front of him.

*****

There is a warm hand on his chest stroking him comfortingly and something extremely cold pressed to his face.

He grunts and takes a deep breath.

"Shh," Frank says, gently holding him in place. He's lying on a bench under a street lamp, and the rest of the artists are here, around him, looking grateful and relieved.

One of his eyes is swollen, but he still manages to peek through the tiny slit between his eyelids and breathes out in relief. "Does anything look broken?" He asks in a hoarse voice.

"No, you are fine, Gerard. It's just a bruise," there is Clara's tiny whisper. She's still shaking, but smiling weakly. "You have just saved us all."

Gerard snorts. "Lucky me! Do I get the right to choose the first theme for your art project?"

Frank kisses his head. "And the rest of them too," he says against his hair.

"Where are the bad guys?" Gerard tries to turn his neck but Frank is holding him still.

"We called the police," the woman whose husband ran away says. "There were knives and guns on them. They never told us about that."

"So you knew then," Gerard says not hiding the judgment in his voice.

"Do you really think this is what we wanted?" She snaps at him.

Clara puts her hands on woman's shoulders. "He saved us, mama. You saw the weapons with your own eyes."

The woman drops her gaze. "Your father was furious when he learned that you still wanted to see these people. I wanted to lock you up, but he said that Jose suggested a better plan. I didn't know what was going to happen. And when he ran away, I realized he knew about it all the time."

Clara sighs, stroking her arms. "He is not my father. He never was and he never liked me and he hated that Noel and I were going to get married."

The woman nods sadly. "I hoped he would be good for us when your father died, but...It didn’t work."

There is a police officer and the other couple of parents coming their way. The officer touches his cap and looks at Gerard apologetically. "Hello, mister Way. Do you think you can give us testimony or would you rather come to the station sometime later?"

Gerard squints at him. He looks familiar. "Do I know you?"

The officer smirks at Frank. "Yes, maybe a week or two ago, at the studio. I was just about to take my night shift."

Gerard clucks his tongue. "I can't believe it's only been a few days." He looks up at Frank and fumbles to reach for his hand. Frank smiles at him wistfully. The officer clears his throat. "Yeah, about that," Gerard looks at the parents standing behind the police man. "You know, I can tell you what happened right now, I don't want to think about it any longer than necessary, but I'd rather not press charges against Jose. I guess he has enough on his plate already.

Officer nods. "Pretty much. For some miraculous reason, there is a security camera at the parking lot, and it isn't broken or stolen, so the deputy has everything he needs along with the parent's testimony to lock Jose and some of his closest friends up."

Gerard takes a deep breath. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

The officer looks around and shuffles. "I'd prefer talking with you alone, mister Way."

The kids and their parents give Gerard their last looks of gratitude and turn to leave. Clara's mother stays a little longer to shake Gerard's hand and tell him that they are going to let the artists start their project and that mister Arnaud has no authority to stop them. "After Jose hit you, Sebastien, the principal's son, stepped up from the crowd and said some beautiful words about their dreams and their right to choose their future. You inspired them, mister Way. Thank you."

"Call me Gerard," Gerard croaks, smiling tiredly.

When she left, Gerard asks if Frank can stay. "I'm not afraid of his influence, officer."

"Well, you should be.” Frank picks his side, leaning in to kiss Gerard's temple.

*****

Hans, the police officer, offered to take some of the artists home while Gerard called a cab and James joined them. When the car stopped at Frank's apartment, Gerard couldn't resist the surge of protectiveness that overwhelmed him and grabbed James' hand. "Stay with us for a while. I just need to see you both alive and breathing for a little longer."

James chuckled and rubbed his neck nervously at the request, but climbed out of the car nevertheless. Frank didn't say a word either although he did give Gerard a weird look.

They are on the roof and Gerard is trying to sit in Frank's lap and not to squish him, while James is silently smoking, swinging his legs over the gutter. They are relaxed and a little drunk from the adrenaline that's now wearing off and leaving a weakness in their muscles instead.

"I can bring you another ice pack if you want," Frank suggests when Gerard winces at his gentle stroke against his cheekbone.

Gerard barely suppresses a shiver. "No. No ice," he giggles. "I'd go inside and have something stronger to drink, but I just want to breathe the air some more." It's early in the morning, and soon the city is going to wake up for another day, and Gerard really wants to see the first blinks of the sun as it climbs up the sky.

Frank hums. "Wait here, I'll bring you some blankets, and I'm sure I have a bottle of scotch in the kitchen."

He doesn't wait for a response, just shoves Gerard off his legs and promptly runs to the stairway.

Gerard watches him disappear behind the door and turns to James who's looking at him now.

"I never got the chance to thank you," James says seriously.

Gerard waves dismissively at him. "You don't have to..." But there is nothing more he can tell him at the moment. He doesn't even know if he'd have done the same if he didn't know what he knows...but that shouldn't matter now.

"I..." James clears his throat, "I know I probably shouldn't be telling you this but...I'm not sure there's the right moment for it, and Frankie's my best friend, and..." He takes a deep breath.

Gerard thinks he's going to tell him he knows who they really are and that he needs to share it with somebody, and he's already opened his mouth to tell him that he shouldn't, but James sticks his palm out.

"You may already know that Frank is a very unusual person," James starts grudgingly.

Gerard crooks the corner of his mouth and raises one eyebrow. "I sure do," he laughs, feeling the warmth spreading inside his chest and settling inside his stomach. "He's amazing."

James nods. "Yes, he is. But there's something you have to know about him." He shakes his head when Gerard's eyes go wide. "He's not a junkie or sick or something terrible..." He puts his hands on the metal railing, steadying himself. "It's just something that happens to him from time to time." James darts his eyes to the door and back to Gerard. "He tends to forget stuff. People. Not because he doesn't care, we're sure of it, but the moment he becomes happy, he needs to move on."

Gerard frowns. "What do you mean?"

"He acts like you're his first lover, right?"

Gerard replays the memories of their first day together. "He said something about never kissing a guy before. Did he lie to me?"

"Not intentionally," James crawls closer, trying to sound comforting and apologetic at the same time. "He really doesn't remember. We have to remind him sometimes about people he used to have relationships with." James scratches the back of his head. "There're not many of them, a couple of girls and a really nice guy...at least them I know of. They were heartbroken when one day he stopped returning their calls or answering texts." There is rummaging on the stairway, and James hurries to wrap up his speech. "He knows he hurts people, and he's been really careful about not letting anyone in, you know. But you," he gestures toward Gerard, "you're living with him now, you risked your life to save his. I'm sure he knows what he's doing, but I think you two are gonna have to talk."

Frank bursts onto the roof with a heap of blankets, a bottle of Johnny, and a pack of cigarettes.

"Were you talking about me?" He asks merrily, wrapping the soft fabric around Gerard's shoulders and waist and tucking himself between his legs and pressing his back to Gerard's chest.

"Sure," James rolls off the cap and takes a long swig from the bottle, "because there's nothing else we could talk about."

Gerard isn't sure if he's going to be sick or black out. There is a pang of jealousy, a dull pain from being lied to, but at the same time hope that it has to be different between the two of them, that this forgetfulness is another trick the chimera turned on them to make their quest more difficult and her reward richer. He sighs and puts his chin on Frank's shoulder. "I was asking James to paint me in a superhero suit."

Frank chokes on the scotch he's drinking and coughs heavily, sputtering the liquid everywhere, and making James scrunch up his face in disgust. "No one's allowed to picture you in sexy clothes but me," he says threateningly.

"How 'bout without clothes at all?" James smirks winking at Gerard.

"Lay your dirty eye on him, and I'll kill you," Frank says seriously.

"No you won't," comes James' confident retort. "You wouldn’t hurt a fucking fly. Besides, you will be too happy glistening with pride to have such a gorgeous man all to yourself while everyone would be looking at my picture and envy whoever it is who has him in his arms every day."

Gerard's cheeks burn, and he's already sweating in the places where Frank is touching him, so warm and familiar, and he reaches for the bottle to distract himself with the hot burn of alcohol against his throat.

"Don't worry, babe, I'm not gonna let his dirty fantasies live up to an actual picture," Frank pats his thigh and breathes out hot air on Gerard's face.

Gerard hands him the bottle and leans in to whisper in his ear. "I can tell you're horny by the smell of your breath."

Frank's eyes darken, but he gets all business in a blink of an eye. "I'm so sorry about trying to...you know..." He hides his eyes, but Gerard lifts his head by the chin and brushes his lips against Frank's, enjoying the exquisite smell and getting a few degrees hotter in a second. "I will forgive you if you promise not to do that again, ever, and if you do, I swear I'll tie you to myself by a red rope, like in Kitano's ‘Dolls’, okay?"

Frank giggles almost hysterically but he looks sincere when he says "As much as I like the idea of being tied up, I promise I won't try to hide anything from you."

There is a glint of pain in Frank's eyes but he blinks it away and reaches out to kiss Gerard tenderly.

James groans and flicks the cigarette butt away. "If you're going to have sex, I'd rather wait for you inside the apartment." He takes the bottle and the cigarettes and walks off the roof with a pleased grin on his face.

Gerard tucks his head in the crook of Frank's neck and asks "Are we?"

Frank hums contentedly and pulls away from Gerard's embrace, digging a small tube of lube and a condom out of his jeans pocket. "I really want you right now."

"But it's cold," Gerard argues, "and I'm not sure it will be comfortable..."

Frank kisses him wetly and sloppily. "You'll like it, I promise."

And he did like it. He liked the way Frank's body fitted perfectly under his own, how his hands were splayed on the roof floor, and Gerard's hands were holding them down, fingers interwound. He loved the smooth glide of his cock inside Frank, and noises Frank made when he did something particularly pleasurable.

His mind managed to register the fact that that was their first lovemaking after Gerard remembered their true identities, and he wondered if something had changed, shifted in the way he felt about Frank or their relationship, but no matter how close they’ve become, he realized that they were the same. He was still Gerard Way, and Frank was still a breathtakingly beautiful artist he met in a bar.

 


	2. Identity

*****

James had managed to down half a bottle by the time they returned.

"You're buying me a ride home," he says to Gerard's sleepy and satisfied face. He's lying on the couch in the living room and reading comic books Gerard bought out of curiosity. "And if you want real comic books, not this piece of junk, you definitely have to meet my friend Gabriel. He's so much better.”

"Yeah, but he totally needs help with plotting," Frank snatches the bottle from James’ hand and takes a long gulp, wincing at the burn. "I can't drink this shit. Anyone want a Coke?"

Gerard nods with a shrug.

Frank leaves with a wink to Gerard and a slap to his ass, and Gerard collapses on the cushy armchair, too lazy to even think about lighting a cigarette.

"Glad you didn't make it a big deal, Gee," James says in a low voice. "I really think you two can make it work."

Gerard groans and rubs his face in frustration "It is a big deal," he whispers hoarsely. "But I think I'm getting good dealing with big stuff."

James chuckles. "You must have had a terribly boring existence in your previous life, so now the universe is trying to compensate by throwing adventures at you."

"Do you really believe we should carry the burden of past lives?" Gerard doesn't expect a thoughtful answer, but James looks like the question's been bothering him for a while.

"D'you think we have a choice? That we can escape our fate and pretend like we are the only ones who decide what happens to us?"

Gerard shrugs and burrows deeper in the armchair, rubbing his head against the armrest. "We could try."

Frank shuffles into the room, swinging from side to side, a can of Coke in hand. He stops in front of Gerard and drops the can in the crook of his lap.

"You should be more careful throwing objects in this particular direction," Gerard mumbles, trying not to sound too relaxed to care. He also tries to tone down the affection brimming in his voice and threatening to scare them both.

Frank doesn't show that he notices, but the air between them becomes thicker with unspoken feelings. "You can trust me," he whispers and sinks to the floor next to the armchair.

*****

_I turn the music up, I got my records on_

_I shut the world outside until the lights come on_

_Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone_

_I feel my heart stop beating to my favorite song_

_And all the kids they dance, all the kids all night_

_Until Monday morning feels another life_

_I turn the music up_

_I'm on a roll this time_

_And heaven is in sight_

When he was chasing Frank around the suburbs four days ago, Gerard would never believe he'd find himself there again, this time willingly and a lot happier.

Professor Morrison and his students have been painting the school yard since noon, and Gerard even got the opportunity to learn a few tricks himself. He'd have learned a lot more if Frank didn't tackle him to the ground and kissed him senseless from time to time, but now, when it's almost eight o'clock in the evening, and he is so tired and overwhelmed with emotions, he can't care less.

Alex warned Frank a few times not to try people's patience with his inappropriate behavior when they made out on the pavement, but Frank reminded her that he always lived by his own rules and there was no man on earth to tell him otherwise. Gerard was only happy to know that their terms were alike.

He also thought that no matter what happened those kids would fight for their rights with or without their help. It was clear that the kids wanted to live different lives, let optimism and honesty define their opinions and make all fears melt under the bright colors of the drawings. Their art was a weapon itself, and it didn’t need protection, it was bursting through any closed door and into open hearts without asking for permission.

Their only real enemy was bad weather. Because rain starts suddenly, especially after a day of hard work, and it doesn’t ask for permission either, before wiping away non-resistant pictures.

Only this time, several students got a few square sheets of waterproof cloth and covered the entire parking lot with them. When Gerard asked where the tarpaulin came from, one of the teachers said that they used to cover school inner yard with it for winter, to keep the flowers from cold, and the kids remembered where the gardener kept it.

They had to run to shelter from the rain, and the closest cover was a bus stop just across from the school entrance, and when Gerard looked at it, he saw a smiling figure painted with chalk on the wall. It was a portrait of Noel, happy and proud, and Gerard couldn’t hold back tears looking at it and hoping that those kids would change the world one day, just like Noel was changing their lives now.

****

“I expect to see you at the Université next Wednesday,” professor Morrison tells Frank and James, when they say good bye at the school gates.

“It touches my heart to see you boys growing up, becoming adults,” Gerard murmurs mockingly.

Frank shoves a fist in Gerard’s face, and James tries to step on his foot, but Gerard ducks away and jumps to the car that’s waiting for them. “Thank you for keeping an eye on them, professor,” he says to mister Morrison, and the professor bows elegantly.

“I was going to say the same thing to you, mister Way. And please, don’t hesitate to participate in our program if you feel like it, and…” he throws a disturbed look at Frank, but it’s really quick, “if you’re in town, of course.”

Gerard nods. “Thank you. By the way, you’re all invited to our next show in Paris as soon as we make a new album...”

“If you need some ideas from a fan,” the professor winks at him, “you know where to find me.”

Gerard hears a growl that Frank tries to keep down his throat, but he holds professor’s look. “Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind.” And he opens the taxi door for Frank to jump in.

Gerard ignores the nasty looks Frank sends him and bats his eyelashes at professor’s flirty “You do that” comment.

*****

So their lives continue, filled with domestic comfort and relaxed walks around Paris. Frank and James graduated a week after their final test, and there was a huge party after that. Gerard discovered that he was secretly waiting for the day when Frank would be free of his social duties and then, he assumed, there would be nothing else distracting him from the main part of his life he has yet to discover.

But three days have gone by, and Gerard is ready to read the handbook of sorcery that caught his attention from a bookshelf in the living room. Mikey, Ray, and Jared had already left the UK and have driven all the way from Lisbon to the Scandinavian Peninsula, and Gerard had to give up hopes to join them with Frank, but he can’t just wait for Frank to remember their previous lives or risk the chance to be forgotten by him like his other lovers.

Frank doesn’t seem to be ready to have a serious conversation, judging by the enthusiasm with which he threw himself at household matters.

Today he’s fixing old things he finds in the drawers and cupboards. He’s already cleaned and refilled with the zippo lighter fluid the old burner-stove, oiled the gears in the cuckoo clock, and now he’s sitting on the window-sill in the kitchen, legs dangling and tongue peeking out a little, and trying to solder the broken wires of the radio that saw its best days in the middle of the last century, while Gerard admires how the flesh on his chest and arms get the idea of motion before he starts the actual movement.

Gerard had never been completely confident in his own skin but the older he got, the better he felt about himself. Looking at Frank, he saw another form of relationship. It was like his body always knew what was better for him, and he could let his mind wander around, relax, throw itself at new ideas while his body would just keep him safe and protected. Gerard often stumbled upon furniture and sharp corners, while Frank gracefully danced around dangerous objects, and it didn’t matter how familiar the environment was for either of them. If he tried to compare himself and Frank with dogs and cats, well then he would definitely be a clumsy pup while Frank would be a slinky cat.

Gerard is fully immersed in his thoughts and he misses the moment when Frank’s eyes slide over to him and catch him staring.

“What?” Frank shifts self-consciously. “What is it?”

Gerard flashes him a broad smile and shakes his head. “I was just thinking ‘bout how much I love you.” It slips from his tongue so quickly and easily he has no time to consider if it’s the right time to say something like that. And by the change on Frank’s face, he knows it’s not.

“Eh,” Frank puts away the instruments and slides off the sill. ”D’you mind if we talk a little?”

Gerard rolls his eyes and stands up from the chair considering shrugging it off as a simple burst of affection. He never hid his feelings from Frank, but they never put them into words either. In the end, he wants to know what’s going to happen to the two of them, so he says “No, wanna sit down on the couch?”

Frank sinks to the floor and presses his back to the wall. “No, I like to talk in here.”

Gerard nods and sits down, watching Frank link his arms around his stomach and cringe a little. “Are you okay? Do you need something for your stomach?”

Frank bites his lips and grunts uncomfortably. “No, I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

“You getting nervous making me fucking freak out,” however, Gerard tries to keep the light tone. “Is it what I said? I mean, I thought you knew…” he trails off.

“I know, and that’s why I think we need to discuss what’s next,” Frank doesn’t look at Gerard, just lets his eyes slide over the patterns on the kitchen floor.

It fells awkward looking down at Frank although the chair isn’t too high, so Gerard sits on the floor too, crossing his legs in front of him, Indian style. Maybe Frank’s a nimble one, but he never could beat Gerard in flexibility. He takes a deep breath and puts his palms on his knees. “To be completely honest, I was waiting for your graduation so we could think about it together.”

Frank frowns. “What does my graduation have to do with it?”

Gerard knows Frank’s being overly dramatic and acts like he doesn’t understand completely obvious things because it allows him to be pissed off, but Gerard knows how much is at stake so he calms down his nerves and keeps a relaxed tone. “Because I know it is a big deal for you, not the degree but the project, and I totally support you on this, but you don’t have to spend all your time at school now, and kids are leaving for summer vacation, so I thought that we could use this time and do something new, together.”

For the first time since their conversation started, Frank glances up at Gerard. He narrows his eyes and contemplates, which tells Gerard that Frank realizes he can’t use his usual pissed off technique against him this time. “You do know I’m not gonna stop here, right? I mean, I’m not giving up. We made this project possible, and without your help we wouldn’t have succeeded, and I will be grateful for that for the rest of my life, and I know you probably saved our lives too, but the fight is not over yet.”

Gerard nods, barely suppressing a bitter chuckle. “I thought,” he swallows, “I thought one victory would be enough for you.”

“Why would it be?” Frank rubs his nose against his knee. “We changed the views of a group of people, but we can do more.”

“You can’t fight forever,” Gerard says in a helpless tone. “I thought…”

“What?” Frank keeps biting, “that I’d give up everything and come with you to America? So you could be my sugar daddy? Or dump me in a few weeks when you’re tired of me.”

Gerard stares at him in disbelief, already struggling to get up. “I’d never do that and you know it,” he pauses, waiting for Frank to stand up too and face him. “I’m not asking you to just drop everything and leave, I just…” he turns around to take a breath and looks at the wall, tracing the odd ornament of the old wallpapers. He’s got used to it so quickly he thinks he has it in his own kitchen back in Jersey. “You know what?” he turns back and something freezes inside him when he sees Frank’s cold eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t have stopped looking at him, but he continues anyway. “You know it would be the easiest way for me to stay here. I would come here for you gladly, stay the foreigner forever, have adventures every day, fight for you, support your ideas. I would take that all because I love you, and it doesn’t bother me that I’ll have to work from here. That would be as easy as a click of your fingers.” He takes a breath, and sees the warmth rising in Frank’s eyes, but Frank ducks his head, and the contact is lost. “But I know you now, Frank. I know you need to sacrifice something in order to get something instead. I’m not saying this is wrong or I can’t understand it. I can, although I do believe that we can be happy without a fight, and I know you want to go with me, but I won’t push you.”

“I am not going with you, Gerard,” Frank says through gritted teeth.

“I know,” Gerard says calmly. He can already see where this fight is going, which makes him laugh instead of crying from pain. “And I even know what’s gonna happen next.” He nods briefly when Frank raises his head with a curious expression on his face. “I decide to stay here with you, and then you'll start pulling that nonsense about me having to think about myself first, that I can't give up my life because that's not how I was raised and that's not what you want me to do because you respect my freedom blah-blah-blah…” He flaps his hands in the air angrily. “Am I right?” When Frank stays silent, he nods again. “So please be advised that this is bullshit! I can live anywhere I want and I don't mind giving some stuff away because I still have the most important things in my life, which includes my family, my friends, my art, my music and you. It is not the fucking twentieth century anymore!” He quickly shuts up, mentally slapping himself on the face. And then, another time for a good measure, but Frank is looking at him expectantly as if Gerard knows everything. And there is something else that looks a lot like hope which might mean that Frank believes Gerard can work it out for the both of them, but to do that he needs to know the truth. “There is something else Frank, and at least tell me what it is. If we're not meant to be together, at least tell me why. I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes, I can hear your heart beating even right now, I feel the excitement all over your skin when we touch. And believe me I feel the same, maybe stronger because I don’t resist it and there’s nothing more on my mind…So tell me why are you pushing me away?”

Frank hiccups. Gerard noticed he does that when he’s really nervous. Like before their first time…It’s usually very quiet, but the apartment is zinging with silence now, and Gerard has to work very hard not to smile and reach his hand to caress Frank’s cheek, to draw him in a tight hug and tell him that everything’s going to be all right.

Frank just breathes for a moment, and then, whispers so Gerard has to strain his ears. “Because I’m afraid I’ll forget, Gee. I know the guys told you I forget stuff, people, and I don’t want to forget you but I will if we stay together.” Gerard opens his mouth to say something, reassure him, but Frank puts his hand on his lips and keeps on. “If we don’t, I will not be able to forget. I’ll hurt every day and I am willing to take this pain as long as I remember about you.”

So okay, Gerard is done listening. “You won’t forget if you don’t want to…”

Frank shakes his head and reaches his hand to pull at his short hair and groans in frustration. “Don’t you understand? I didn’t want to forget any of those people I’ve been with. I didn’t! More than that, I didn’t want to hurt them. But I did and they were. So, please, let me live the way I used to. Leave me alone!”

“But this is fucked up, Frank! You can’t let this stuff ruin your life, and then why the fuck did you ask me to fucking move in with you? Why the fuck did you fucking care and walk up to me in that café, huh?” Gerard watches Frank’s eyes water, and he knows he’s grasping for a straw and that it won’t save him from falling into the abyss, but he waits for the answer anyway.

“Because I love you and you know it. I couldn’t help myself, and I hoped that it’d work this time, but I was wrong, and it’s starting again, I can feel it crawling up my chest and freezing my heart.”

“So there’s no hope left for us…” Gerard says weakly.

Frank nods. “Soon I’ll wake up with a hole in my heart, like there’s been a tornado that’d taken away all my feelings for you. I know I don’t really forget, it’s just my mind, it blocks the memories because they only cause pain and loss.”

Gerard turns around and smacks his hand against the tabletop so hard, every cell on his skin stings, but it doesn’t lessen the pain. Frank’s hand on his back only makes it worse, so he squeezes his eyes shut and runs out to the roof, so Frank won’t see him cry. He bundles up in the blankets that they left here to snuggle and breathes in their scent. When tears start wracking his chest, he can’t hold back anymore and wails, grateful for the rain to cover his cries with the soft patter against the roof.

_Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while_

_Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies_

_Hoping for the best but expecting the worst_

_Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?_

_Let us die young or let us live forever_

_We don't have the power but we never say never_

_Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip_

_The music's for the sad men_

_Can you imagine when this race is won_

_Turn our golden faces into the sun_

_Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune_

_The music's played by the, the mad men_

_Forever young, I want to be forever young_

_Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever?_

_Forever young, I want to be forever young_

_Do you really want to live forever? Forever young_

It all sets in place in Gerard’s head now, when he tries to understand the meaning of Frank’s words. Maybe he really hoped it wouldn’t happen this time, like we always hope that we won’t make the same mistakes twice, but now when he’s certain that’s unavoidable, he chooses to suffer through the pain of parting ways instead of forgetting Gerard completely. Maybe later, when the pain is gone, he’ll be able to remember Gerard with a smile on his face, and maybe it’s their chance. Maybe one day Frank will remember who he really is and who he was, and this is probably better than watching Frank slowly forgetting him without even dying. Maybe the chimera found a way to get their experience without necessary killing them, and in a way it’s a kind step but why did it get only to Frank? He doesn’t think he wants to meet the creature again, afraid he’d never be able to get out of that place this time so he just falls asleep, drained of energy and lulled by the soft hum of the rain.

_Some are like water, some are like the heat_

_Some are a melody and some are the beat_

_Sooner or later, they all will be gone_

_Why don't they stay young?_

_It's so hard to get old without a cause_

_I don't want to perish like a fading horse_

_Youth's like diamonds in the sun_

_And diamonds are forever_

_So many adventures couldn't happen today_

_So many songs we forgot to play_

_So many dreams swinging out of the blue_

_We let them come true_

_Forever young, I want to be forever young_

_Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever?_

_Forever young, I want to be forever young_

_Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever?_

*****

Gerard wakes up when his muscles start cramping from cold. He opens his eyes to the dim lights of the street lamps and wonders what time is it. His cell phone tells him it’s almost midnight, and that Frank didn’t call him. Mikey called though, and Gerard is glad he still has his brother who always could brighten up his spirit. He dials him and catches them on their way to Istanbul, all crazy and a little drunk just from the constant change of scenery every four or five days.

Gerard doesn’t want to talk to Mikey about his love life on the phone so he just asks them to meet him in the Istanbul airport and then they’ll keep on wherever they were heading to next. He’s sure Mikey felt that something was wrong but he didn’t pry, maybe because Gerard sounded calm and certain even to his own ears. He felt calm. He must have cried out most of his sorrows that evening.

*****

The door was open, but the lights were out. Gerard stumbled in the bedroom and stripped off his clothes catching Frank’s sleeping figure in the dark. He remembered all the movies he ever saw when main characters had to break up for some reason and they always made a great deal out of farewell sex.

Pressing his chest to Frank’s back and worming his hands around his middle, Gerard didn’t want to have sex. There was nothing in this situation that could turn him on. They were holding each other for the last time in who knows how many weeks, months, years, decades…Gerard concentrated on the smell of Frank’s skin and the warmth of his hand that he put above Gerard’s and stroked it with his fingers. Neither of them said anything, and Gerard doubted there was something left to say anyway.

*****

Frank wakes up late in the morning to the empty bed and the drawer he gave Gerard for his clothes. His suitcase is gone from the dresser, but there is a list of e-mails and telephone numbers scribbled on a piece of paper which is stuck to the mirror in the hall.

Frank doesn’t hesitate to burn it in the sink in the kitchen and deletes Gerard’s number from his own phone. He feels an oddly satisfying dull pain squashing his chest, a promising companion that won’t let Frank forget Gerard.

He doesn’t have breakfast or call James or Alex because today he’s going to make himself feel as shitty as physically possible. He finds a bottle of vodka in the back of his freezer and digs a few joints from the multiple stashes in his apartment. He stocked them up for the day he can’t deal with it anymore, but he always thought he would end up dead before the actual day came.

*****

“Hey guys,” Gerard says to the patch of soil at the stone wall. He did his best to cover Helena’s and Anton’s grave from curious eyes, and kneels in front of the wall to say good bye to them. “Never thought I’d say this, but I ask your forgiveness for not making your wish come true. I thought it wouldn’t be difficult and all I had to do was to love him, but, apparently, it wasn’t enough and I’m not sticking around just to be a creepy stalker too. He needs me to go, and I think that’s better for the both of us…Of course, I’m angry at him, because…maybe because he knows what he wants and that’s not me, but I’ll deal with it, just need some time. I’ll come back, I promise. But for now…just goodbye.”

On his way back to the gates, he waves his hand at the musician’s grave and leaves the cemetery with a light heart.

*****

Frank’s teary eyes can’t see a thing through the smoke filling the bedroom. He’d got to drink only half the bottle of his comfort beverage before he threw it against the doorframe in the fit of anger. His brain is on fire and his chest wouldn’t stop hurting and the only thing that’s left to do is take the guitar and start playing the blues he hates so much.

He tries to sing but what comes out of his throat is more like a howl, bitter, lonely, and desperate. There’s something scratching at the back of his head, something big and dangerous and he thinks that maybe he should open the window after all. He slides down on the floor from the bed and reaches for the window. The stream of fresh air doesn’t make him feel better but at least he knows he won’t suffocate in the weed smoke. He switches to cigarettes and realizes he’s thirsty, but there is no way he’s going to make it to the kitchen. He tries though, not walking but literally creeping on the floor, gathering all the junk and dirt on his way.

He stops when his phone vibrates with an incoming call from Alex, but he growls and throws the phone against the wall and it falls silent after that, a web of broken glass instead of the screen.

When he’s finally in the kitchen, he stands on his feet and drinks some water right from the tap. His stomach protests but the scratching in his head becomes more and more insistent, so he takes a glass, fills it with water, and dissolves some baking soda in it. He tries not to thinks about the fact that he never bought it in the first place and it must have been living here since his grandmother bought it for her famous spinach pies when he drinks the water from the glass and runs to the bathroom. He gets there just in time before his stomach starts turning inside out and he pukes in the toilet for a very long time before he finally loses consciousness, and all the pain and scratching go away.

*****

Frank wakes up in the puddle of his own vomit and with a sick stomach. He dry hurls from the stench but there’s nothing left inside that wants out so he takes off his clothes and stands under the shower spray, letting the cold water sober him up a little.

The second his brain switches on, he nearly blacks out again. “Merde!” he slips up and lands his bare ass on the bathroom floor. “Fuck!” he yells and bangs his head off the sink when he tries to stand up.

He turns off the water and runs to the bedroom, looking for any functioning clock and prays to god that Gerard hasn’t left yet.

He rushes out of the building, lacing his sneakers on the way, and stumbles upon Lulu who is trying to ride a bicycle but falls after every few meters.

“Hey, Lulu!” Frank helps him get up and even brushes dust from his pants. “You’ve had too much to drink, Lulu, you shouldn’t be riding a bicycle in your condition. Can I borrow it for a few hours?”

Lulu scrunches up his face. “You’re not so sober yourself as I can smell,” he pulls the bicycle closer to himself and turns to leave.

“Please, Lulu. I really need to stop one person from running away from me,” Frank pleads.

Lulu is silent for a second. “You’ll break it,” he mumbles stubbornly.

Frank puts a hand on his chest. “I promise you, I’ll be careful, Lulu. If something happens, I’ll repair it and pay you for your troubles. Damn, if I catch this guy, I’ll buy you a new one.” Lulu looks at him skeptically. “Well, my boyfriend is a very rich musician.”

“That pale weirdo? He doesn’t have any money. He doesn’t look like a rich man,” but Lulu is already handing him the bicycle.

Frank laughs, already halfway through the yard. “Do I look like I was a vampire in my previous life? Or that my girlfriend was a witch?” He speeds up and can’t stop laughing.

“At least get a bubble gum or something,” he hears Lulu yelling at him, “your breath smells worse than my vomit in the morning after a lucky day!”

*****

The taxi brings him to the airport a little early, so he has some time to hang out in the waiting area before going through the customs. There is a young couple sitting right across from him waiting for their flight to New York. The girl looks stressed out and the guy is trying to comfort her, telling her what they’ll do when they arrive, how her new home will look, and that she’ll be visiting her parents as often as she desires. He looks at Gerard questioningly and points to his phone with his eyes and waving his hand in the air like playing an instrument. Since Gerard is their closest neighbor, he just smiles and nods briefly.

The guy smiles gratefully and stands up, holding his phone in one hand and inviting the girl for a dance with the other.

_How can I keep on smiling at there disguise?_

_When I know nothing good ever comes from lies_

_My heart is no beginner_

_but still I can lose my temper_

_How can we keep on watching that fucking TV?_

_We're so bored we don't even care what we see_

_Takes our strength away_

_And never, never shows us the way, no_

_But I think I know the answer_

_It's only mystery and I like it_

_It's only mystery and I like it_

_It's only mystery and I like it_

_It's only mystery_

_How can the banks of a river meet?_

_Sitting on her bed staring at her feet_

_She thinks life is water_

_And love, love is a river_

_but is a child the answer?_

_It's only mystery and I like it_

_It's only mystery and I like it_

Gerard looks at the girl and sees love in her eyes. Maybe she doesn’t want to leave, but she wants to be with her man and if that means leaving home and starting a new life together, she accepts this part of her future.

Gerard doesn’t think it’d be too difficult for him. He was ready to stay in Paris had Frank asked him to. But then he realizes it doesn’t matter if they live together or not. The most important thing is that they’ve met again, and there’s still a chance Frank will remember. They have their lives ahead of them. Unless Frank gets himself into serious troubles again, of course.

Gerard breathes out and tries to shake off the worries for Frank when there’s a voice inviting the passengers of Gerard’s flight to go through customs clearance. Gerard stands up and reluctantly reaches for his suitcase. He feels like he’s walking through water.

*****

Frank has no idea how he’s still alive. He should have been hit by trucks four times by now, and a few times a police car tried to follow him but he always managed to escape in the narrow streets of familiar suburbs. But the police and the dangers of his route are the last things that bother him at the moment. Gerard had told him that he would try to take his flight from Orly, but how can he be sure? Gerard was obviously sad and heartbroken, what if he took the first flight home from a random air carrier? What if he’s at Charles De Gaulle Aéroport now, and Frank’s attempt to find him is in vain?

Frank curses under his breath and ties the bicycle to a railing. He runs to the departures section and searches for the nearest flights to the US. There’re only three, and one of them flies to LA, so he dismisses it and runs to the registration desks of the other two.

The air company workers sympathize with his story (he had to tell them he had a fight with his boyfriend and now he wants to apologize before he leaves) but Gerard isn’t registered on either of the flights. The manager at the administration desk suggests searching Gerard’s name in all of the flights to the US, but it turns out no one with that name is flying to the states today.

“Je suis désolé,” the manager says and pats Frank’s arm comfortingly.

Frank knows Gerard isn’t lost forever, he knows it’s probably possible to call their manager and try to contact Gerard through him, he’s a rock-star after all. But he can’t stand the idea of Gerard leaving Paris without knowing that Frank wants him here by his side. He isn’t completely sure Gerard knows who they are, but why would he be spending days at the cemetery otherwise?

Frank feels helpless and suddenly very weak. He presses his back to the wall and watches the passing people. One of them flashes him a toothy grin and waves his hand.

“Hey!” Frank calls after him, but the man doesn’t stop and walks to the exit. “You, in the trench coat, wait!” But the guy just turns slightly around and winks at him, looking somewhere in the direction of where he’s come from. Frank looks there and sees a small queue at the custom desk.

Cheeks burning and heart fluttering in his chest, he bolts, screaming Gerard’s name as loud as he can.

*****

Gerard’s attention is deep inside his thoughts and he’d be left behind the queue if a nice couple of tourists weren’t nudging him forward with their bags every thirty seconds, but suddenly people start turning around to the man approaching their queue. It’s Gerard’s turn, and the people behind him are mumbling something in a language he doesn’t know and poke him in the ribs with their fingers.

“Gerard fucking Way!” he hears the man running towards him yell and shakes his head. It’s Frank.

“Fuck off!” he snaps at the tourists and leaves his spot in the queue. He doesn’t make it more than a couple of steps further before Frank lunges at him and knocks him off his feet.

“Gee!” Frank shakes him by his t-shirt. “Fucking Istanbul, Gee? What the fuck?”

Gerard just gapes at him for a second, but two security officers are tugging Frank off Gerard and toward the police booth. “No! No-no-no-no-no! Please! He’s…he’s with me!” Gerard runs after the officers who are ready to cuff struggling Frank. “It’s okay, please, let him go,” Gerard tries his best polite face.

“Are you sure, sir? He looks pretty violent, and drunk,” one of the officers wrinkles his hose at Frank’s breath.

Gerard looks at his face and Frank is looking him in the eyes now, and he’s smiling. “I promise you, we’re leaving in a minute. Just give us some time to talk. Please.”

The officers let him go, and Frank wants to tackle Gerard again, but Gerard throws his arms out and catches Frank before he can jump. “Gee!” Frank links his arms around Gerard’s neck.

“What are you doing here, Frankie? How did you find me? Why didn’t you call me?” Gerard is running his palms along Frank’s face and he’s not sure he’s listening when Frank opens his mouth to answer.

“Looking for you, the trench coat guy, the fucking fan, threw my phone against the wall and broke it.”

“The trench coat guy broke your phone?”

“No!” Frank rakes a hand through Gerard’s hair and pulls him in a kiss. He moans when Gerard relaxes against him and bites on his bottom lip just to hear him gasp. “Please don’t leave. Stay with me, take me away with you. Let’s never leave each other no matter what. We’ve been waiting for so long…”

“Frank, I…” Gerard shakes his head in confusion. “I will, of course I’ll stay with you, whatever you want, but what happened?”

Frank narrows his eyes. “Have you found the graves?”

“Are you saying…” Gerard grasps his hands so tight there is no blood left in them.

“I got drunk, stoned, I thought I might die, but then it hit me. I remember us, Gee!” Now that the officers are gone, Frank feels safe to jump on Gerard and lock his feet under his ass.

Gerard holds him steady and looks at him bug-eyed. “You really do…” he trails off, searching for the men he used to know before in Frank’s eyes. “I can see it.” He leans in for another long hungry kiss.

*****

“Where did you leave the bike?” Gerard asks when they’re standing outside the airport and looking at the bicycle parking.

Frank frowns at the row of unfamiliar vehicles. “I’m not sure I remember what it looked like. I was in a hurry, you know.”

Gerard gently elbows him in the ribs. “Why does it always have to be so difficult with you?”

“Hey! Whatever got us to this particular point, right?” Frank walks to the parking and studies the locks. “I remember I tied mine to the railing.”

“Like this one?” Gerard points at the old bicycle that looks like it’s going to fall apart.

“It looks like it, but I don’t believe I got here in time if I rode this all the way here.” Frank eyes the rusty frame suspiciously.

“Maybe we should just buy him a new one then,” Gerard suggests, untying the rope.

“Why are you taking it then?”

“I want to keep it. For the good memories,” Gerard winks at Frank and raises his hand to call a taxi.

“My sugar daddy,” Frank grabs the suitcase and rolls it to the car that stops next to them.

“Where to?” The driver asks when they climb inside.

Gerard takes Frank’s hand in his. “Do you want to go to the cemetery first?”

Frank bites his lips. “Can we go home? I stink and I’m really hungry, and we should buy flowers for…them…”

Gerard kisses his forehead. “Sure.”

*****

They got into a nasty traffic jam only ten minutes away from their home, but no one suggests walking. They’re both too tired and sitting in the car they don’t have to break the body contact.

“Okay, you remember me, yourself, our past, I get it,” Gerard mumbles against Frank’s temple. “But how can you be sure you won’t forget me now?”

Frank buries his face in Gerard’s chest. “How can I? It all makes sense.”

“Well, not to me. I thought it was the chimera that messed with your head,” they’re moving slowly, but the road seems to be clearing up.

Frank sighs. “I think I couldn’t relax and enjoy every moment of my life. It felt like I had to move on all the time. Like, if I don’t, I’ll die. It was like an instinct. I couldn’t even see dreams.”

“What?” Gerard leans away to look at Frank in disbelief. “You didn’t have dreams?”

“No, I swear to you. I thought I could die in my sleep.”

Gerard pulls him in a hug again. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

Frank shrugs. “I’ve always been like that, ever since I remember. I needed other people who I could trust so they could watch out for me.”

“I could take care of you,” Gerard says a little offended.

“I didn’t want you to, I wanted you as my partner, my love, my life, not someone I had to depend on.”

Gerard nods. “I understand. But what’s changed now? You still don’t have anyone who can take care of you.”

“Of course I have,” Frank says with a smile against Gerard’s t-shirt.

“Really?” Gerard raises an eyebrow. “May I ask who?”

“It’s them, Anton and Helena. I know they’re watching us. I feel calm now, and I know I can go to sleep and enjoy my dreams at last.”

Gerard doesn’t answer. He just closes his eyes and holds him tightly in his arms breathing in his scent. There is a flash of light on the inner screen of his eyelids and for a brief moment he’s frozen with fear, but the next second he sees the chimera giving him the weirdest of smiles and turning into a Phoenix that bursts into flames right in front of him. Somehow Gerard knows they’re free now. Their lives belong to themselves.

_Love on an atom, love on a cloud_

_To see the birth of all that isn't now_

_Can you imagine a love that is so proud?_

_It never has to question why or how_

_Total abandon the love in my dreams_

_When I wake up I'm soaking in my sheets_

_Breathe, breathe_

_Believe, believe, believe, believe_

_For all of our youth_

_We have craved them_

_Their beauty and their truth_

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe_

_Believe, believe, believe, believe_

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe_

_Believe, believe_

_That we are loud like_

*****

Gerard cracks one eye open and reaches out to grab any of Frank’s body parts he can reach. All his muscles are sore, and his intimate parts are more than slightly tender. “Frankie,” he croaks and tugs Frank closer by the shoulder.

Frank rolls on the bed with a groan and stops when he’s half on top of Gerard. “I’m hungry,” he mumbles against Gerard’s shoulder. “You didn’t let me eat yesterday.”

Gerard rolls his eyes. “It was you who dragged me in bed and…oh, god, it hurts everywhere!”

Frank snorts. “Pussy.”

“Hey!” Gerard smacks him on the ass, “Look who’s talking!” He worms his finger between Frank’s ass cheeks and teases the swollen skin, making Frank gasp and moan.

But instead of squirming away, Frank slides on top of Gerard and rests his legs on either side of his body obscenely opening his ass for touching and rubbing their half-hard dicks against each other. “Yeah,” he sighs, closing his eyes.

“Please, Frankie, I can’t…I’m sore…” Gerard pleads, but keeps rubbing him. “We need to get up, we’ve got stuff to do,” and then it dawns on him that they have the rest of their lives to do whatever they want, and it’s going to be their last ones. “God, Frankie, the only thought of what happened to us makes me wanna die.”

“What?” Frank asks in a nearly hysterical tone.

Gerard giggles. “I mean it in a good way. Even though my body protests, I still want to hold you down and bury myself inside you, wrap myself in your skin and never leave this bed.”

Frank licks his face, laughing when Gerard wrinkles his nose. “This sounds creepy.”

“You love it,” Gerard wraps his hands around Frank’s middle and squeezes him tightly.

“Yeah,” Frank breathes out, “last night was also the best one in my entire life,” he raises himself on his elbows and kisses Gerard on the lips. “And not only because of sex. I felt like Luke finally found his Camila, and Anton could enjoy the beat of his own heart, holding his beloved Helena in his arms. It was so intense I thought I was going to explode.”

Gerard nods. “I felt it too. Do you think they freaked out because I’m not a woman anymore?”

Frank chuckles and hides his face in the crook of Gerard’s neck. “Yeah, Luke totally did. But he trusts my judgment.”

Gerard snorts and rolls them around so Frank’s lying on his back and Gerard’s on top of him. “Fuck you, asshole.”

“Yes,” Frank smiles and pulls him in for a slow kiss.

Gerard leans away, panting and touches their foreheads together. “Do you think we’ll go crazy dealing with all this?”

Frank shrugs. “Probably, unless we starve to death first.”

“Okay, okay,” Gerard groans and slowly moves to get up.

*****

“So this is where it all began,” Frank puts the flowers on the tombstone they’ve cleared of soil.

Gerard kneels beside him and takes his hand. “We can probably do something with it, I mean, take care of the grave or…”

“It’s been fine all these years, I think they’d like it the way it is,” Frank reaches his other hand to touch the letters on the epitaph and mutters something under his breath.

“What is it?” Gerard asks him.

Frank trails the letters under Helena and Anton’s names. “It says _To the loyal souls by the witnesses of their love_."

Gerard’s eyes widen. “It’s James and Mikey! Remember your friend Rafael and my father’s assistant Christian?” Frank nods. “They became a part of our deal, but I don’t think they remember anything.”

Frank narrows his eyes. “Mikey’s your brother, right?”

Gerard nods. “Yeah, he was also my fiancé, god.” When Frank gives him a dirty smirk, he shoves him with his shoulder. “Fuck off! I told you there was nothing between us!”

“I know! I was there, remember?” Frank laughs, but his features become softer and there’s gentleness in his eyes. They look at each other for a while, and then Frank breathes out. “We’re so screwed, Gee.”

Gerard kisses him on the nose. “We’ll get through it, I promise.”

*****

“So, for how long are you going to travel with your band?” James asks them when they meet at the café across the studio.

“Actually,” Gerard bumps Frank’s knee under the table, and Frank smiles at him, “we were hoping you’d come with us.”

James looks at them for a long moment, and then shakes his head apologetically. “Look, man, I know you’re a great guy and I love you as a brother, and you did something to Frankie that makes him shine like a light bulb, but…you know…” he makes a weird gesture with his hands. “I’m for monogamy. And despite the fact that I’m an open-minded person, I still prefer girls. Sorry.”

Frank bursts out laughing. He laughs so hard, Gerard has to send apologetic looks at the other guests in the café and the staff. He feels embarrassingly awkward. “That’s not what we meant, for fuck’s sake!” He says on the verge of busting into tears. “I just wanted you to meet my band so maybe we could jam together, hang out…”

“Oh,” James raises an eyebrow. “I thought…but you looked at me so…not like a friend, you know.”

Gerard rolls his eyes. “I looked at you like you’re the best friend of a guy I want to have babies with.” Frank chokes on his coffee and looks at Gerard suspiciously. “Not that there’s a chance we could actually have them.” Gerard drops his gaze to the tablecloth. He never thought about it, but in their previous lives he could give birth to a child but there were obstacles on their way to happiness, and now, when there’s no social borders between them and they live in a relatively calm world, it just can’t happen.

“Hey,” Frank takes his hand and brings it to his lips for a kiss. “We’ll figure something out, right?” And then he leans in and whispers in Gerard’s ear, “I remember you danced around me and said we’re gonna see the future. Here we are.”

Gerard laughs softly. “Yeah, it’s perfect,” he murmurs and looks at James who watches them with his head bent to the side like a dog. “So, are you in? Or do I have to sign something to guarantee your safety from my affectionate behavior?”

“Fuck you! I’m in!” James smirks. “But not for long, I don’t want to spend all my savings on this.”

“Such a liar,” Frank tries to poke him with the fork. “The fucker’s from a wealthy family. He’s always been loaded.”

James sticks his chin up. “I choose to earn my own money.”

“That’s why I love your free spirit,” Frank laughs when James blows him a raspberry.

*****

Epilogue

**Two months later**

“So,” Gerard tries to entertain Frank during their long transatlantic flight. “Do you want to claim the house that belonged to Luke?”

Frank frowns, looking at the pictures in the duty free magazine. “How am I supposed to do that?”

Gerard shrugs. “I don’t mean to take it back, maybe just buy it or…” Frank gives him an annoyed sideways glance. “Nevermind. But I want to read those letters. Mikey’s…I mean, Jeremy sent them to me. And the diamond. It’s actually mine, you know.”

Frank chuckles softly. “Well,” he yawns, “good luck with finding evidences that it’s your relatives or something.”

“Huh,” Gerard rubs his chin. “You can pretend to be Luke’s and Camila’s son. You look almost like him and there must be Luke’s pictures left in the house.”

Frank taps his fingers on the armrest of his seat. “Or you could tell him the truth. From what you told me, the guy seems like he can take it.”

Gerard looks at Frank skeptically. “How am I supposed to tell the guy that I used to be a woman?”

Frank points an index finger in the air. “A very hot woman, by the way,” he notes and looks Gerard up and down with a smirk.

“No way am I dressing up for you!” Gerard mutters angrily.

Frank makes an innocent face. “I didn’t even think about it,” then he grins at him and whispers “but now that you mentioned it,” he slides his hand under the blanket on Gerard’s lap and leans in to nibble at his earlobe.

“Please,” Gerard gasps and clutches the sides of his seat.

Frank touches their foreheads together and rests his hand on Gerard’s hip. They both take a few deep breaths and then kiss for a long time, breaking the soft hum of the engines with the smacks of their lips.

*****

Mikey is supposed to meet them in the airport, but he’s stuck in the traffic, and they have to wait for him in the arrivals hall. While Gerard was on the phone, Frank wandered off somewhere and Gerard has to look for him, trying not to panic too much.

He finds him standing at the glass wall and watching all kinds of people walking in and out of the building.

“Hey,” Gerard touches Frank’s shoulder and then hugs him from behind. “I thought I lost you.”

Frank turns to peck him on the nose. “I just can’t believe it.” He rests his head on Gerard’s shoulder.

“We are free now, my love,” Gerard whispers in his ear, and they stay like this rocking from side to side until Mikey calls to say he’s waiting for them.

...

End

**Author's Note:**

> Songs mentioned in this story 
> 
> Coldplay - Every Tear is a Waterfall
> 
> Alphaville - Forever Young
> 
> Eric Serra - It's Only Mystery
> 
> Placebo - Loud Like Love


End file.
